He said No

I've been a Christian all of my life. I was baptized at a young age & grew up in the Church. I went to Sunday School, youth group, youth camps, conventions, etc, etc, etc.

I did all the things. But I've never felt like I had a relationship with Jesus. I believe in Jesus/God/Holy Spirit. I believe in The Word, but believing was about as far as it went.

I've never been able to quote scripture or really depend on the Bible in my day-to-day life. In the last several years I have sought God when I/we were going through a tough season. I would start a Bible study & start praying. As quickly as I sought God, I forgot God. I still believed, but I just stopped talking to Him and stopped reading His word.

That's been the pattern of my life for quite a few years now.

In my last post, I wrote about how I recently started attending a church. Again, the need for Jesus came from some feelings of desperation. I've been struggling with things for so long; certain situations have come to a head & they feel out of control. I can no longer do it all by myself.

For as long as I can remember several people in my life would say "Pray about it" when a situation would arise and I/we weren't sure what to do; I've always understood that praying is a conversation with God/Jesus, but it seemed that I was the only one doing the talking.

How do I know when our Lord is telling me something? Writing in the sky? A definitive sign? Flashing lights around the right answer? Like many people, I felt like I needed a physical SIGN showing me "right" answer.

Recently someone told me (or maybe I read it somewhere) that I could find God in the Bible (no kidding, right?) I would find the answers in scripture; which sounds nice but then the question of HOW presents.

How do I know where the answer is?  The Bible is long and complex.

On May 7th I started a new Bible study called return to refuge - I'm following along with the ladies who write for the First 5 app  the study focuses on the minor Prophets of the Bible (Nahum, Habakkuk, Zepheniah, Haggai, Zechariah & Malachi)

Twice in the past weeks, God has given me answers I've been looking for. I definitely didn't think I would find them in some Old Testament books but sure enough there they were.

In the book of Habakkuk, God said to me, "Be patient. I am working." 

I have recently been thinking about a new business venture; I was sure it was something I wanted to do. I even told myself I deserve something that's just for me. I talked it over with Chris, and God Bless him, he was supportive. Even after the debacle that is/was Lularoe.

Last night I started to feel really unsure. Then this morning I was reading the first chapter of Zepheniah, and reading over/answering the questions in the study guide and God said No.

Jesus told me that these things were taking up "His" space in my heart/mind. They were becoming idols. He also showed me that social media & achieving the "perfect" body had become idols in my life.

I came across this verse when I was doing some more reading on idolatry, "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."

I have been searching for who I am for so long. It has consumed me. It has cost me a lot of time, sanity, and unfortunately a lot of money.

But who I am doesn't lie in the things of this world, and that gives me peace.